i can't remember my thirteenth birthday. at all.
i do recall the next day jesse lemon and i sitting in his backyard and i was trying so hard to pretend that i was not smoking my first cigarette and i was so proud i didn't cough. and i remember him asking "so you are a teenager now, how do you feel?" and i remember saying something stupid.
i don't remember anything before the age of four days before my fifth birthday. because the paint bothered my face. and i ate so much candy my tummy hurt.
and my mother removed all the unwrapped ones from my pillow case and i didn't understand because i didn't think there was bad in the world yet. Especially on halloween.
and when the family gets together i get excited because i think of something funny i did and then someone says "no, that was Dallas."
it was easier living my life through my older brother.
My birthday is on saturday the fourth. four days after halloween.
And i still feel the same as i did on the first day of being a teenager with a marlboro red held up between my lips. I was trying so hard to look cool I almost didn't hear his question, But i did. And I was honest. " Like my skin still doesn't fit."
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